Overthinking

Overthinking is when you think about something too much and too long. I believe it's something that everyone does. But I find myself doing it every day. And it's always about any and everything that my son could possibly do to cause danger to himself.

My son is fifteen years old. He has cerebral palsy, epilepsy and autism as well as a few other medical conditions. He is mobile and that’s where my overthinking comes in at. He is unaware of things that could possibly harm him. Therefore, I’m always thinking of what I need to do to make sure he’s safe at all times.

It's very rare that I ever leave him in the care of anyone unless he’s at school. And even then I’m worried about whether or not he’s okay. I can’t even go to the grocery store without video chatting, texting or calling to make sure he’s okay. Sometimes I rush home because in my head something is wrong. When he’s too quiet I’ll get up and make sure he’s not doing anything that could cause him harm.

And I know it's not okay to live like this. It's just my duty as his mother to make sure he’s always safe especially when he’s not aware of what is and what isn’t safe.

He’s a true boy. He loves amusement park rides, fireworks, go-carts and anything loud. Everything he seems to love gives me anxiety. Except for his love for video games. He doesn’t play them but he does enjoy watching his dad play. He is very active and is always on the go. Sometimes he and his Dad go on car rides without us. And the entire time they're gone I’m calling. And if they're out too long I tell him to bring my baby back.

It's just really hard for me not to think of all the what-ifs because I know my son. People look at his chair and judge him not knowing how much he’s really capable of doing. So it's hard for others to see through their eyes why I am the way I am.