Shining the Light on Siblings

When you have a child with multiple disabilities, you are essential. Every day, you are relied on to care for needs that go above and beyond the typical; so much more is required in this version of parenthood .

It becomes your “normal” and you honestly can’t remember parenting any other way.

You are tired, but you wake up each morning with renewed fortitude to do it all over again. Your child is worth every ounce of energy that you put in. You give your all (and more) to ensure that their medical, educational and daily life needs are consistently being met.

When one child requires more, it can feel like a balancing act to make sure that their sibling(s) doesn’t feel left in the shadows. My son is six years older than his little sister with complex medical needs.

He is the most supportive brother.

Despite his own needs, he’s had to grow up a bit more quickly than most big brothers. He’s assisted in medical emergencies that would have left me broken as a child, if I had experienced them. Courage and empathy come easy for him. Now, as a young adult, I can easily see those characteristics shaping his own life.

I often worry that he doesn’t fully see how appreciated, loved and treasured he is. I never want him to doubt his important place in our family. Not for a second. He was my first baby and he’s the one that taught me the patience and understanding needed in this role of motherhood.

There have been times when I have forgotten to pick up his prescriptions or schedule his well-care appointments on time. Often, my eyelids have been too heavy at midnight to closely listen to the details of his day. He hears a great deal of praise for his sister’s breakthroughs and accomplishments. I know he celebrates them just as much as I do, but there is still a burden of guilt that I can’t help but silently harbor.

I never want him to feel as if he’s in the shadows.

He deserves his very own light.

I want him to know how amazing he is, and that I am loudly cheering him on in life, too. Always. He recently took a major leap – going from years of online classes to now taking all of his college courses in-person. He is chasing his dream and thriving in his university studies. I tell him often how incredibly proud I am of his growth and determination. I couldn’t be prouder of the human being that he is. I hope he feels the depth and sincerity of that pride and understands that he’s never in the shadows. He has a whole vibrant light that shines just for him.