Enough

Francie Khalaf by Francie Khalaf Additional Needs

Francie Khalaf

Francie Khalaf

I am a wife and mother of two children with cerebral palsy. I believe in making lemonade out of lemons

Enough? That’s the biggest question for me. Am I doing enough? Did I do enough today? Had I done more a year ago would he be in a better spot? My personal biggest struggle is trying to divide the line between living life and keeping a schedule.

Do I let myself feel guilty if we are outside playing all day and Sawyer doesn’t get his stander or normal physical therapy? If this happens too many times in the summer, am I setting him back?

What is enough?

These worries are always in the back of my mind and it can be stressful. I am sure that I am good at hiding the guilt that I feel and the worry on my shoulders, but it’s there. It can’t be healthy for me to carry that burden; however, I think many mom’s do.

We are constantly carrying the mom guilt and wondering if we are doing enough for our children. When Sawyer’s nurse is here for the day, I feel relief knowing that I can just be mom, but is that wrong?

Recently I hurt my back. The pain was extreme, and I could not lift. There were a few days that I was on my own with both kids and Sawyer didn’t get any physical therapy and spent a good portion of the day on his back. There is nothing I could do about that because it hurt me to move so I wasn’t able to move him.

Yet, I still worry that he didn’t get enough therapy and if I remained diligent and consistent then maybe his outcome would be different. I hear so many success stories about kids who weren’t supposed to walk.

I have heard from doctors that “highly motivated parents have better outcomes for their kids”. What does that mean exactly? Am I highly motivated?

I advocate for him on a daily basis. I live and breathe thinking how I can make his life better. I know these things but my fatal flaw is feeling that I can always do more. Internally I often forget to remain positive and focus on what I am doing.

This is something I will continue to work on because I need to be my best in order to give my best.

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