Navigating Divorce As a Special Needs Family
Brittney Hinkley
Mother to 3 boys, who are getting older by the second. Living life day by day, in this rambunctious yet blessed household.
Divorce is never easy. Ask anyone who has ever gone through the process, and the answer would be unanimous. Honestly, I never thought I would ever find myself initiating the process let alone coming out on the other end of it all. But here I am, ready to discuss some things (both difficult and not so difficult) that I have learned through it all.
First things first, if possible, make sure to formulate a plan! Not everyone will experience the same, unfortunately, but in my case I was lucky enough to have a civil process.
Dad and I share three amazing boys together, our oldest (Oliver) having been diagnosed with spina bifida – a neural tube defect. Coming up with a plan for future appointments, therapies, who takes what equipment, and Oliver’s overall care was priority for us.
Three boys in itself is quite the marathon, but when you throw in: urinary/continence supplies, a wheelchair, a walker, AFOs, meds and the whole team of doctors we have supporting our sweet boy, it can feel overwhelming if you’re not prepared. Having a plan for these things and being flexible to changes when the need arises can save you from pulling your hair out later.
Alongside having a plan, is making sure you have support.
Not just having friends and family as support, but support from your local City & State programs like Medicaid and SNAP. Cutting down to one income, I was able to get Oliver on a few waiver lists, and have finally made it to the top to be able to utilize them after approval. Do your research and apply for anything that you think you might qualify for. The worst thing they can do is say no if you don’t qualify.
It has been a rollercoaster navigating my life after divorce, but one thing I have had to remind myself and allow forgiveness in, is remembering that kids are resilient. Now I am not saying go and put them through the ringer or that going through something like a divorce will have little to no affect on them; but, as long as you have their best interest at heart then you will see how easy they can adapt to change. With a plan and support, you can set up strong foundation for your family and yourself, and the rest will grow from there.
