“No Act of Kindness However Small is Wasted” – Aesop

In the 28yrs since my son James was born I have learned to live with the sometimes negative or at the very least, impassive reaction of others towards him or more specifically his behaviour.

My response to the stares or obvious recoiling from him very much depended on my level of tolerance or exhaustion at that given moment. Sometimes it would hurt me to the point I’d go home in tears or on the opposite end of the scale I’ve been known to outright challenge people or make a sarcastic comment as I did one day when James had stopped in front of, and was clearly waving at a lady seated on a bench at the seafront. She stared ahead straight past him, no acknowledgement whatsoever. ”Come on James the lady doesn’t want to speak to us” I said loudly.

As I have aged and no doubt matured ……….

(the aging is fact….maturing is debateable!) I am generally less bothered by other people. Don’t get me wrong, my hackles still rise but my skin has become considerably tougher though I’m always just a millisecond away from being that lioness who will go into battle to defend her pride.

What moves me more these days is the small but kind gestures made to my son when we are out with him. It may be as simple as someone just saying hello or stepping back to allow us through a doorway or busy area especially if they see we are struggling. It may be the positive response of a stranger when James passes by but reaches out and grabs them as he does so. He means them no harm; he’s just saying hello. He did this recently and as I apologised to the lady whose arm he grabbed, she said, it’s fine, I have a sister with special needs and in that moment, we shared a knowing smile and nothing more needed to be said.

There is a garden centre near my son’s home.

We frequent it on an almost weekly basis. The ladies that work there have got to know us and James. We no longer have to ask for his cake to be served in a bowl with a spoon, they see us in the queue and get a bowl ready. But not only that, they speak to him directly and include him in our conversations even though they know he cannot respond. They do not ignore him or exclude him.

It’s small gestures like this that make our visit to the garden centre so enjoyable. I have seen many parents with disabled children/adults visiting there. They make us all feel welcome. It’s their attitude and kindness that keeps us going back………. that and the cake of course!!