Time for a new school - Growing up

High school. Where does the time go!?

Families everywhere are at that time of year where their children start their next big step. It’s a time of both excitement and trepidation. For some it’s just outright stressful or impossible.

Amy is 11 now. She has actually been at the same school for 9 years now as she started nursery there when she was 2.

I have attended a few leavers assemblies at the school and have bawled my eyes out every time. How will I be when it’s my own child leaving!?!

I will forever be so grateful for the dedicated, skilled and generally amazing people that have worked with her for the duration of her time at school; but I have to admit, I am feeling some sort of anticipatory grief about her moving on.

Due to the complexity of Amy’s diagnosis, reaching high school age was never guaranteed. I thank whatever is out there everyday for every minute she has with us. At the same time, I miss her being little.

Those days seem so long ago now.

Those painful early years, grappling with each new (at the time earth shattering) diagnosis. The 45 minute drive in with her shouting and crying inexplicably and inconsolably, feeding pump alarming, and rush hour traffic not budging. Getting to the door and her being distraught, sobbing as I walked back to the car feeling guilty and relieved in equal measure.

Back then she would be “ambulanced” a lot. Chest infections and seizures the usual reasons. My time without her was spent anxiously hoping she was okay and checking my phone constantly.

It took time for Amy to settle properly in nursery. It’s a huge transition for any child.

In the last few years a rhythm has really been found. The staff know her inside out, she adores going in. She has absolutely thrived and developed beyond expectation. In addition to her school life, she also has a transport bus to school as its so far away. The drive and PA know her really well. She loves everyone she’s on the bus with. This will be another big change.

It takes such a long time for people to learn each nuance of Amy’s personality and also medical needs.

The thought of starting over is terrifying.

I am yet to visit the new school. I also haven’t yet begun filling in her “communication passport”. The prospect of it all is very daunting. I’m mainly fine about it, but I do sometimes feel a pang of sadness that we don’t get to choose a school (only one meets her medical needs). That’s nothing against her new school, more my own personal battle accepting our life of annual reviews, IEPs, sensory support, SaLT, EHCPs and all of the rest of the terms and acronyms I previously knew nothing at all about.

I think as a parent I had that vision of waving her off at the school gates, her joining her friends, her then refusing to tell me about her day… the stuff I remember from childhood.

In this version things have been entirely unfamiliar and we have all been finding our feet along the way. We have established our own habits and routines… me standing by the door like an eager meerkat waiting for her to come home.

Opening the school communication app and reading out what her teachers have said about her day and showing her the pictures and videos. I actually love it all. I do sometimes ache a little inside that she can’t tell me about her day.

But the main thing is she is learning, growing, and most importantly; happy.

I know deep down that she will be absolutely fine. If anything I am probably overthinking it. It’s accepting and learning to trust new people, re-establishing what we worked for so many years to achieve, and also accepting that my little girl is no longer a little girl! I tell her everyday that even though she’s a big girl, she will always be my baby as well as my big grown up girl (cue pre teen eye roll every time!). I could not be more proud if I tried of what she has achieved and we have so many shared treasured memories.

Wishing everyone and their little ones all the best in starting nursery/school/high school/college etc. I hope you all thrive and grow together. I hope you can cherish those memories and move forward feeling positive about whatever is next.