Unexpected Loss

We recently loss my mother-in-law and I often wonder if our son understand that he won’t ever see her again.

In 2009 when my amazing Mom passed unexpectedly our son was only two years old.

After she died, he would always crawl to her room looking for her every time we would go over my grandma house.

He did this for a very long time. And one day he just stopped.

I can’t remember how long it was before he finally stopped.

But every time he would go to her room, we would always tell him that grandma was in heaven now.

I always wanted to know what finally made him stop going to her room but he’s nonverbal so that’s of course something I will never know. (We love and miss you Momma, Ms. Tracy Denise Graham)

Fast forward to today.

We loss my sweet and loving mother-in-law Ms. Brenda Kay “Blondie” Evans unexpectedly in January.

Of course, my son is older now, he’s fourteen to be exact.

Since her death we have gone to her house several times.

I always watch to see his reaction when we go there.

We're so use to her coming outside to the car with that big smile on her face and he is too.

Sometimes when were there he has moments where he won’t scream, he just sits there quietly and look around as if he’s looking for her.

Then suddenly, a smile will come across his face.

Her presence is still very strong because I feel it often.

So sometimes he makes me feel like he feels it too.

I told him when she passed that she went to heaven too.

I just wish he could tell me that he understands what I mean.

I truly believe that he does because although he’s nonverbal he’s smart.

It is just something I can’t help but to think about.

Have any of you ever felt like this?