Welcoming a sibling

We started a new chapter recently.

After many losses followed by years of infertility, we finally got what is called our “rainbow baby.”

I honestly thought it was never going to happen for us. Those of you familiar with my blogs will perhaps remember some of my tales of loss. The grief, desperation and heartache is real. To anyone going though this you have my full empathy and support and I hope one day you are blessed with what you long for so badly.

I used to see posts on here about siblings and feel my heart sink a little. Why can’t we be in that club? Sure, it’s riddled with challenges, I know that: but why not us?

Anyway. September 2024 we welcomed baby Ella into the world. Another emergency C section but thankfully nothing like the dramatic version Amy endured in 2014.

I have never cried so hard with elation, relief and joy.

By some people’s standards I’m an “old” mum (37). The age gap between the girls is 10 years. It definitely isn’t what we planned, but then nothing in the last 10 years could possibly have been predicted and we are very good at dealing the cards we are dealt!

I now get it. The feeling very divided, like you need to be in two places at once. Wanting to nurture your newborn and never let go. But equally wanting your first born to feel the attention hasn’t shifted and that they too are still your world.

I am accustomed now to chasing Amy’s face with a nebuliser whilst jiggling an unsettled, motion craving baby with my other arm. We have already had multiple hospital trips and somehow managed!

Initially, Amy was so proud to be a big sister. She beamed and cheered at the sight of her baby sister. Safe to say that after 4 months, the novelty has definitely worn off! Some days Amy starts ripping at her own hair when Ella cries. Sometimes I see her roll her eyes and look annoyed when I leave her side once again to tend to her sister.

I explain to Amy daily that babies are really really intense.

That it will get easier, or at least change. That one day her sister will sing to her (hopefully!) and bring her toys and play with her.

My parents have been incredible. There is a few hour window when Amy arrives home from school where juggling the girls is near impossible. Amy needs hoisting, bathing, dressing, meds, various medical interventions etc. and Ella? Well she’s a baby. She wants to be held and cooed over 24/7! Having an extra pair of hands there whilst Phil is at work has been crucial and so very appreciated.

I joked that any children after Amy would have to be easy. But the truth is there is no “easy”! You just have to learn to adapt. My main aim now is for everyone to feel equally loved and cared for. My other aim is to sleep whenever possible. I am now one of those people who could sleep anywhere at any time within seconds. Quite the change from the previous insomniac I used to be.

Amy has been more emotional lately.

Hormones are definitely at play but I think also she is craving our love more than ever. She has been much more loving recently and wanting us by her side until she falls asleep. I love reminders that she is still my little girl, even if she is almost my height now. Tonight I ran her a nice bubble bath and we watched Disney songs on with her projector. I hope these moments together remind her how important she is to me and that whenever I get the chance, I spend one on one time with her.

When I wanted another child I always said it would be great to be part of both worlds. The disability/carer community is entirely different from this new community I also now feel a part of. It has been eye opening having my world expanded and my perspective shifted. Life now feels more precious than ever.

I am excited for winter to be over so Amy can be poorly less. And to make some amazing memories with my amazing daughters, partner, and of course grumpy old little dog.