A letter to my daughter Charlee

Natalie Muller by Natalie Muller Additional Needs

Natalie Muller

Natalie Muller

To my beautiful girl

I remember the day you were born so clearly. I remember seeing you and thinking you were the most beautiful little thing.

You were like a little doll with your tiny features and the most amazing eyelashes I had ever seen. My bubble of perfection was then popped when they took you away and the endless lists of medical diagnoses were unravelled.

I am sorry that in the early days I didn’t know what to do or how to act.

I am sorry that those first few weeks when you were in the special baby unit I didn’t want to be there with you, I wanted my old life back, I wanted a healthy baby like everyone else.

I saw all the other mummies come and go with their babies but we just stayed there, in our little room day in and day out. If I’m honest I was so scared, scared of what the future would hold for you and our family. Scared that I was entering the unknown! Scared that I wouldn’t be able to cope.

Fast forward 3 years and look how far we have come. And that my darling, is down to you!

Your strong willed character is emerging, you may not be able to verbally communicate but we have our own language. You may not be able to smile but your eyes say it all. I see your strength and determination when you try and do the things your peers do naturally.

Whilst they may be meeting their milestones you are taking your time with yours, but you will get there, after all it was the tortoise than won the race. (Not that it’s a race at all)

I see you sit in your chair and watch the world out of those huge blue eyes. I wonder what you are thinking.

I know you get frustrated that your body won’t let you do all the things you want to. I wish I could change it for you but I wouldn’t change you for the world.

You have taught me so much in such a small space of time. You have made our family closer. You have made me appreciate the small things more. I love our days together, even those tough days when you struggle.

Your biggest achievement though and one that I am most proud of is getting a place at our local special school.

If I’m honest I never thought you would get to school. You were so poorly in your first few years that at times I feared the worst.

But look at you now. You absolutely love it and the teachers love you too.

You may be the smallest there but you definitely are the cutest in your school uniform and school bag that’s as big as you.

Handing you over to them every afternoon is hard as I worry they won’t know what your quirky ways mean but they will learn like I did and I know you will show them how determined you are and how you will get there in your own time.

Lastly I want to tell you how much you are loved, not just by me but by family members and everybody that meets you.

I promise you that I will always be here fighting for the very best you deserve and challenging those that disagree.

If I could swap places with you I would in a flash but because that isn’t possible I will endeavour to give you the best life possible and give you every opportunity to achieve what you deserve.

 

Lots of love, always and forever

Mummy xxxxxx

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