Building a Village

Accepting help is not something that ever came easy to me. It's something that was always awkward and felt like I was taking advantage of people.

It's taken me a long time on this journey to realise that it's OK to accept people's offer of help. They say it takes a village to raise children, and I whole heartedly agree. Even if this doesn't come in a physical form of help, an emotional help is always needed.

It took me a couple of years of persuasion from our disability social worker to apply for some respite care for Ethan. I felt compelled to look after my child myself just like all the other parents of children my age did. Except my child had way more needs than their children and we spent so much time at appointments and in hospital.

Once I'd accepted that care help I've only let it grow.

The help I struggled with was from family and friends. Those that were offering to help around the house or to help with my girls. There have been many occasions where I've said the classic line of 'no its fine' or 'no I'm ok'. When really I wished I could accept that help.

There have been times when I've had to ask for help because there really has been no other option. This was never easy for me. I have however learnt to do this more. When you have children you need that support from others, but having a child with complex medical needs, you actually need that help way more. Especially help catching up with household jobs, picking up medicines or helping with siblings.

The biggest help though above all of this is the emotional support of not just close family and friends, but those who are within our wider disability community.

Those who are going through the same things as us.

Those living through the same issues daily but also experiencing all the celebrations of those happy moments that most don't celebrate.

Having those you can call on or those who offer you support even when you say you're fine, are incredibly important. Building a village around yourself is vital to raising your children, with or without complex needs.

It may be hard to accept that help, but I promise you that when you do accept it, it will make your life so much easier. Don't feel the guilt of accepting the help, because you will always be able to offer that support back to someone when they need the help.