Fears for the Future

Rebecca Highton by Rebecca Highton Additional Needs

Rebecca Highton

Rebecca Highton

I am a mum of twins, one has special needs. I enjoy blogging about life and the reality of parenting.

At the start of every year, I feel a little overwhelmed.

What will the year hold?

There is so much of it to go and so much to do and Summer seems so far away.

The dark days of winter seem to leave me with more time to think- more time to worry.

Though most of my worries centre around Alfie’s health, they also linger on the future Rory and Alfie will have.

As they continue to grow and develop, there differences become more and more apparent.

As Rory learns to run and jump and lead a life as his own, anxiety sets in that Alfie will feel left out and resent his brother.

Will Alfie start to question why it is him that is disabled, and not Rory?

So far, having Rory has always encouraged Alfie to try harder at everything he does.

He wants to keep up with his brother, but for how much longer?

My fears are that Alfie will grow tired and resentful of the life Rory can have, the things he can do and the independence he is already enjoying.

But it works both ways.

So much of our time is spent making sure Alfie has everything he needs, that he is healthy, that he attends his appointments and that every activity we do is accessible for Alfie too.

Rory already understands that Alfie needs us more and needs our help with things that now come easily to Rory.

He even tries to help us feeding and changing Alfie as much as he can.

But will this last? Will he not grow to be jealous of the attention and time Alfie receives from us?

Though we try to keep it as even as possible, there are always differences in the time we spend with each of them and the activities we can do.

These are the thoughts that plague my mind day and night, the things that keep me awake.

My children are my world, and I never want either of them to feel like they are in battle for my attention, yet that often appears to be the reality.

Though no one knows what the future holds, there are some things that can’t be changed.

The fact they are identical twins mean they have the same genes. They spent 7 months together in the womb and have adored each other ever since.

Though they fight, as so many siblings do, they are also fiercely protective of each other.

They are best friends. They see beyond their differences and interact as any twins do, they are intuitive to each other’s emotions and moods and look to each other for reassurance.

They may battle for my attention but the love they have for each other, and I have for them is something that cannot be broken or changed.

One thing that helps is the bond our family has.

We have been through much more than most and seen many dark days, yet our beautiful boys helped us through and we will always be there for them.

To pick them up when they are down, to cheer for them in everything they do; to hold them tight and to kiss them goodnight.

I may have many fears, but one thing I know for sure is our little family can get through it all.

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