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Juggling the needs of more than one

Miriam Gwynne by Miriam Gwynne Additional Needs

Miriam Gwynne

Miriam Gwynne

Full time mum and carer for two truly wonderful autistic twins. I love reading, writing, walking, swimming and encouraging others. Don’t struggle a...

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It started with just a light switch. My husband wanted it off as no one was in the room but my son wanted it on. My husband ‘won’. The bedroom door was locked and then it was dinner time.

Except my son still couldn’t cope with the switch being off so his dinner was thrown all over the stairs, the walls and the window. Mashed potato, chicken, vegetables and tomato sauce everywhere. Still angry as his dad went to clean it up the now empty plate was thrown right at him narrowly missing his head.

His sister ran to her room terrified in tears, my son, full of remorse and shock, was shaking and in tears, my autistic husband was boiling over with anger, and I was left to try and calm everyone down.

While it doesn’t happen as often as it used to it’s still a continuous daily struggle to juggle the needs and routines of three autistic family members who have vastly different sensory profiles, abilities, strengths and weaknesses.

Firstly there’s my son: non speaking, severe learning disability, complex medical needs, severely delayed who requires support to do pretty much anything and needs to be in control to stay calm. A sensory seeker, loud, has no understanding of personal space and needs out the house daily.

Then there’s his sister: smaller, more vulnerable, weaker due to her limited diet, highly anxious, withdrawn. A sensory avoider, quiet, selective mute, becomes distressed at even the thought of leaving the house, overwhelmed at even the slightest of changes.

Then there’s my husband: speech impediment, hearing difficulties, struggles to see things from other’s perspectives, feels like he never gets my time, single minded and rigid in his thinking. Can’t cope with diversions, or shop layouts changing or things going wrong.

My family may have its unique challenges but out there, perhaps even in your street, certainly in your town, will be other families like mine desperately struggling to juggle the contrasting needs of more than one person in their family having difficulties. Some days things run smoothly to routine and other days just the phone ringing sends things spiralling out of control.

It’s exhausting, especially when things escalate quickly like with the light switch.

You can end up feeling like you are helping no one and failing everyone.

It’s tough going but it does get better.

My husband said sorry to my son, my son signed sorry to his dad and everything was quickly cleaned and forgotten. We don’t hold grudges and we give each other grace.

Then when everything and everyone is calm again I have a cuppa and count my blessings.

Juggling the needs of more than one family member with autism or any other disability is hard going and lonely but this is my family and I love every one of them more than words can say.

Oh and that light switch is on again but I’m not going to turn it off this time!

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