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Mismatched Socks and Expectations

Carolyn Voisey by Carolyn Voisey Additional Needs

Carolyn Voisey

Carolyn Voisey

Mum to one incredible little dude, I work full time in higher education and have my own small business as a jewellery designer/creator. I love noth...

Birth is incredible, bringing a life into the world is exhausting but without a doubt my greatest achievement to date.

But for many parents, it isn’t a happy time – we’re told our baby isn’t healthy, may not live long, or will have life-long care needs.

I thought I knew what overwhelming grief felt like, until that moment.

In the early days it was impossible to think further ahead than a day or two.

7 years on, life is good.

Different, but no less fabulous for it.

For your amusement, dear Reader, here are five of my observations from 7 years as a SN Mum;

  1. Making plans is futile

For much of Sam’s first few years it was a guarantee that every bank holiday we would end up in hospital. He just KNEW.
  1. Attitude is everything

No-one expects you to be positive all the time.

There is a lot to be said however for taking a deep breath and accepting what can’t be changed while having the courage to change what can be.

  1. Matching socks and expectations

Some days I feel organised and ready for anything. Most days however, I am impressed if my shoes match. In the early days with Sam I worried that people would guess from my appearance that I didn’t have it together. Now as long as I turn up clean, dressed and not smelling, I count it as a win.
  1. Find your Tribe

Find the people that ‘get’ you.

They may not be SN parents themselves, but you’ll know when you find them.

Without my beautiful boy, I wouldn’t have met some of my closest friends.

Not all of them are parents, but each one knows and accepts us.

All of us.

  1. Choose your battles

Parenting is hard.

There are always battles to be fought, however in the SN world pick those battles carefully.

Some are essential (access to services/equipment for example); others less so.

You have finite energy reserves, don’t waste them on things that really don’t matter.

Above all else, I’ve learnt that I don’t know it all, I am allowed to screw things up and that some days it’s OK to scream and cry because quite frankly, knowing that I will most likely outlive my son is devastating.

But he is here, now, and life is for living. And coffee should be considered an essential food group in its own right.


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