Do You Work?

My reply is always the same, yes, I am a full time carer to my twins, one of which is medically complex.

I accept the frowns and sheepish glances that follow.

I am mostly asked this by medical professionals, my interpretation is that this is just the automatic chit chat used to seem interested while the computer loads.

No real thought process has gone into the question and therefore they always seem caught out by my nonstandard reply.

I regard myself as many things, a wife, a mother, a PA, a disability advocate, a nurse, my daughters voice, a red tape warrior, a fundraiser, a blogger, a caffeine addict and most importantly I am me.

Losing your identity as a parent is part of the massive learning curve when you have children.

For me it has been a bit harsher. I returned to work after 10 months of maternity leave.

I gained back my independence, had adult conversations and gained a new focus.

But due to Violets health, I had to reduce my hours twice and eventually left my role after a short 9 months back in the workplace.

It wasn’t a choice, it was a necessity.

Often you will make decisions based solely on the best interests of those you love, you wouldn’t ever change those decisions but they still have a incredible impact on your life.

I feel a great purpose and reward from sharing our journey and experiences with others.

I am finding myself again along the way and I like the new version of me.

I have become stronger, more resilient, incredibly assertive and direct.

Qualities that are essential when battling never ending quests for support, funding or diagnoses. That’s your “work” now.

Parenting a child who can be in and out of hospital at a moment’s notice and who has an endless stream of appointments, doesn’t mix well with employment.

In fact, it makes it pretty much impossible.

The future we hope will bring more stability with Violets conditions and allow for a calmer and dare I say it “normal” family life allowing for more advanced planning.

And who knows maybe even a new career?