Special Needs Mom Guilt

I’m certain that ALL moms experience twinges of guilt. It’s innate.

We’ve worried that we have given one child more attention than their sibling.

We’ve fretted over leaving boxes on our never-ending To-Do lists unchecked.

We’ve faulted ourselves for sitting on the sofa, in our pajamas, enjoying our coffee for way too long.

We’ve felt bad for raising our voices, after we’ve become overstimulated from an exhausting day.

WHY won’t guilt leave us alone?

I honestly think it ambushes us because we’re GOOD moms. We wouldn’t worry so much if we didn’t wholeheartedly believe that it all mattered so much. We are our very own worst critics, and we tend to fixate on all the ways we fall short of our own expectations.

When you’re the mom of a child(ren) with special/additional needs, those feelings of guilt are magnified and multiplied. Most times, the twinges aren’t fleeting, and they constantly nag at us.

Having a young daughter with multiple, complex disabilities, and an adult son on the Autism spectrum, that is my experience.

When I forget to refill just one of many medications on time…

When I’m frustrated with myself for not practicing all my daughter’s therapy exercises for the week…

When I worry that maybe it’s my fault; if I only worked harder with her on straw drinking and independent tranfers every day, we’d see more progress by now...

When I must cancel plans with my son because his sister is sick…

When I buy myself a few lattes in the same week that I also have to buy vitamins, supplements and a plethora of other non-covered medical “extras”…

When I didn’t speak up years ago, or advocate louder in IEP and 504 meetings…

When I didn’t go with my gut, and waited to find a new specialist…

When I’m forced to ask for help, because I am completely overwhelmed…

I should be able to handle it all.

I am experiencing Special Needs Mom Guilt, and it can be impossible to shake.

Moms in these same shoes, we are working so hard. Let’s take a step back, together, and look at all the positives that we champion daily in our children’s lives. We love them SO much, and we’re doing our best to be the moms that they need.

They don’t need us to be perfect. They just need us to keep showing up, being there, and loving them through it all. Let’s normalize having our extra Starbucks if it brings us joy and gives us the pep we need to keep going. Let’s be more kind to ourselves and give ourselves the grace that we desperately deserve. Let’s free ourselves of some of the guilt and remind ourselves of how far we’ve come, and how much we’ve learned on this journey. I know that it’s easier said than done, but let’s try.